Tucson opened with 198.36 points, nearly 50 more than anyone else in the league, while beating an LRC team that still scored a respectable 124.06. Josh Allen, Bijan Robinson, Jahmyr Gibbs, Ja’Marr Chase and company already had the roster résumé; now they have the box score to match it. The No. 1 spot currently has a “do not disturb” sign hanging on the door.

TCB scored 137.36 and earned arguably the best quality win of Week 1 by beating Nashville, which put up 127.64 — the highest total among the six losing teams. Puka Nacua, Ashton Jeanty and the rest of the roster gave Twin City enough talent to make that result look very believable rather than fluky, but what will come of the Boots now that their star WR is out the door? Either way, apparently fifth place offended them.

Colorado's 131.40–119.82 win over DC grades well because Anarchy remains one of the league's more talented rosters despite the loss. Justin Jefferson, Ladd McConkey, Kyren Williams and Kenneth Walker give the IceCats enough firepower that a strong opening week carries real weight. Colorado didn't blow anybody away, but they handled business against a team that was supposed to be elite.

BER's 149.20 points were second-most in the entire league, turning last week's No. 10 ranking into immediate bulletin-board material. Derrick Henry, Chris Olave and DK Metcalf give the Rougarou enough established talent that the offensive explosion can't simply be waved away as Week 1 weirdness. Six spots later, the preseason disrespect tour is officially underway.

Charleston put up 145.56, third-most in the league, and Lamar Jackson and Saquon Barkley made the No. 11 preseason placement age poorly in record time. The only thing keeping the Bombers below BER is quality of opponent: NorCal scored just 65.62, easily the league's lowest total. Charleston brought their guns to a game where all the Goldies did was lay an egg.

Reno is 1-0, but 111.00 points were the fewest of any undefeated team and came against a Kentucky squad that scored only 92.84. Amon-Ra St. Brown, Marvin Harrison Jr. and Brock Bowers keep the roster grade strong enough on paper to prevent a slide. A win is a win; we would just like the Throats to make the next one slightly less watered-down.

Little Rock's 124.06 would have beaten several teams in Week 1; unfortunately they had Tucson scheduled directly underneath the Javie's 198.36-point meteor strike. That gives LRC the strongest opponent-strength mark in the league, while Jayden Daniels, James Cook and a deep supporting cast preserve a healthy roster score. Sometimes 0-1 means bad, and sometimes it means “we had to play Tucson.”

Portland scored only 112.66 in its loss to the Rous, which is too little production for a preseason top-three team once actual games start counting. CeeDee Lamb and newly added De'Von Achane keep the roster talent grade high enough to soften the punishment. The Rippers haven't become bad overnight, but five floors is still a long elevator ride.

Nashville's 127.64 was the best score by any losing team, and falling to a strong 137.36-point TCB squad is hardly a disastrous résumé line. Patrick Mahomes, Jonathan Taylor and A.J. Brown ensure the Riflemen still receive plenty of roster respect. Unfortunately the standings column remains stubbornly uninterested in moral victories.

DC takes the week's biggest fall after opening 0-1 with 119.82 points, even though losing to Colorado gives Anarchy a respectable SOS mark. Nico Collins, Garrett Wilson, DJ Moore and the reworked backfield mean the talent hasn't disappeared, but we are now overwhelmingly results-driven. Going from No. 2 to No. 10 is less “slipping” and more “missing the staircase entirely.”

NorCal's 65.62 points weren't merely last — they were more than 27 points behind the next-lowest team. Joe Burrow, Jalen Hurts, Drake London and Davante Adams keep the roster from being written off, and Charleston's 145.56 does give NOR decent opponent-strength credit. Still, having two premium quarterbacks doesn't help much when apparently neither one can score for the other seven lineup spots.

Kentucky's 92.84 points were the second-lowest total of opening week, and losing to Reno's modest 111.00 doesn't provide much SOS protection either. The bottom line is this team had a (rose) golden opportunity to grab a huge week 1 win in the 4th quarter and didn't even come close. It's going to be hard to move up this list when we can't trust you to show up when the lights are bright. The fire gets hotter under Kirby's ass.